who am I?...



Photo by Jessyka Dart-Mclean

    So I decided to write down a list of random things about me. Probably more for my own benefit [as in, pretending that I actually understand myself and know "who I am"], but also so that anyone that reads this little chunk of internet space will know a little more about good ol' me.
Hurr we go:
> I love waking up before the sun rises and going to bed far after it sets. I guess you can say that I like to be awake, but honestly, it's more like that I hate to sleep. Sue me.
> I don't know any better feeling than driving in the Phantom Avenger with the stereo blasting [most likely the Matches], the windows rolled down, and the crisp smell of an early October morning in Oregon pouring over me. [Except maybe falling asleep with your hand entwined with a guy you really like and your head on his shoulder.]
> I love words. I believe they are the most powerful thing on this earth; more powerful than money, than fire, than any one [wo]man could ever be. They have the power to build you up, but can just as easily [and as quickly] pull you right back down.
> I love that elephants have amazing memories and never forget. Sometimes I think I am an elephant in that sense. I have a really good episodic memory [but a painfully horrible semantic memory, so I guess, you win some, you lose some], which is usually a great thing [I could tell you when and where I got every single one of my socks from, and believe me, I have a lot of socks, and could tell you who, where and what occasion for practically every present I have ever received], but sometimes it causes the difficult parts of life to stay in the present far past their expiration date.
> which leads me to... I strongly believe that anything that has happened in the past [the past in all-inclusive, as in five years ago, or five seconds ago] is in the past and because of that simple [but frighteningly often misunderstood] fact, you should not, or better yet, cannot dwell on things. If you did something shitty, don't kill yourself over it any second longer than it takes for you to realize it was a shitty thing to do, just apologize and move on. There's nothing you can do to change what you've already done, but you can keep yourself from doing it in the future. On the flipside, if someone does something shitty to you, again, just accept the person's apology [even if they don't actually give one] and move on. Learn from what was done to you; know how much it hurt you and why it hurt you and vow [to yourself, to others] that you would never do something to hurt someone the way you were hurt.
> I friggin' love white tigers. Like it's not just a mental condition; it's a physical condition, it's a disease. I want to have a pet white tiger, but I know that they shouldn't be held in captivity like that. This is also the way that I feel about the color purple. I cannot get enough of that sixth shade of the rainbow. I see it [on anything, on anyone] and can't help but smile. I will pick something [a phone, a item of clothing, a hair color] for the simple fact that it is purple. Can't help myself.
> I type like I speak [but still use proper grammar and spelling... unless it's on purpose] or sometimes I even make up my own words. Like friggin'. And pictar. And cheeeyahhh. Or give a word a new meaning that makes absolutely no sense.
> The quote I live by [most days!] is "Always do what you are afraid to do." It was said by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Wise man. [He also spit out, “to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment,” another favorite of mine.] I can honestly say that many of the best things in my life have come out of me doing something I was almost too scared of to do in the first place [rowing is one of them. I am absolutely terrified of water, like I can't even put my head under water in the bathtub without hyperventilating, but now I can spend three hours on a tiny boat that is only staying up right because I trust the guys rowing in it and not even think twice about it. But I still can't put my head under the water in the bathtub.] I also love the quote: "Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. But there's a back-hand to this one: if you take it too seriously, and do anything and everything, you will begin to regret things that you did, while still regretting things you didn't do. Some experiences weren't meant to be had, some people weren't meant to be together, some things weren't meant to be said, but you have to be pretty extreme [which I can be sometimes] to truly take this advice too far [I've only done it a couple times].
9. I love the number 9. Ever since my freshman year of high school when I timidly chose #9 outta the pile of smelly, old varsity volleyball jerseys that I went on to wear proudly for all four years of high school. And surprisingly enough, I ended up with the #9 all over again in my new sport in college, rowing. As a coxswain in an eight [which I coxed this last year as a novice], I am the unofficial nine seat [the stroke in the stern is eight seat and bow in the bow is one seat]. So maybe rowing and I were meant to be. I may have doubted it for a while, but it's growing on me.
> In that vein, I guess I could talk about my boys now. All fifteen of them [soon to be 21, I think!, as a varsity coxswain]. In high school, I only ever had one good guyfriend, and that was only for the last couple months of senior year. [Spencer Gates, love you bud.] But I decided that college would be different, and different it has been. I now not only have more guyfriends than I can count on my fingers and toes, but a couple of them look to be turning into something more like a brother than a guyfriend. And that was only our first year together.

Okay. There you go. Ten's a good start for now. And I gotz to go to sleep because I have to [more like, get to!!] get up before the sun [yay!] to row before an oral exam and half a class spent reviewing for our Friday final, then I get to prance around Portland [another of my favorite things, but we'll get to that later] with my dearfriend Michaela Hanson [actually, she's yet another of my favorite things... errr.. people.] But all in all, I'm stoked for tomorrow! And imma take lotso photos!

PS: as you can probably tell, I'm gonna add some of my favorite photos of myself to these "who I am" posts. I guess I just think that what photos of a person that that person likes the most really say something about her, kinda like, what she hopes other people are seeing when they look at her, or how she perceives herself. [I guess I just gave an eleventh fact about myself, but what the hell.]